Had to post this fellas. Have been pissing myself with laughter. Was on facebook when my brother logged on to chat with me. Very quickly clocked it was a money scammer who'd logged onto his account so have been stringing him along for a while. Enjoy.
Barney
hello
how are you doing
21:06Barney
you there
21:06Me
Yes - hiya Barn!
How's things?
It feels weird being out of the ashram now, but enjoying Ubud.
21:10Barney
right now am not good at the moment at all
i am in a deep shit right now as we speak
??
21:10Me
What do you mean?
You have the shits?
Or you're really in trouble?
21:11Barney
yes
and i need help at the moment
21:12Barney
?/
21:13Me
Where are you?
21:13Barney
okay
well i came down here to Scotland for a short vacation only to get mugged at gun point by some muggers
21:14Me
Scotland - nice.
So, would you like me to send you some haggis?
21:15Barney
all cash credit card and my cell phone was stolen of me by the muggers
it was a brutal experience
21:16Me
yes, yes, but do you need some haggis?
21:16Barney
i just thank God i still; have my life and passport save here with me
21:16Me
Any haggis though?
21:18Barney
i have been to the police for help and they took me to the consulate but they are not helping out at all
right now i really need your help at the moment to get back home save
21:18Me
That's shocking - the English consulate in Scotland wouldn't help you??
I'm appalled about the whole thing.
You weren't wearing your kilt were you?
21:19Barney
i need your help right now
21:20Me
I've sent Martha to the kitchen already mate. She's boiling up a haggis for you as we speak.
Help is on the way.
Och aye the noo.
21:21Barney
what is all this
are you okay at all
21:22Me
What do you mean? Of course, I'm fine.
There's nothing like a fine haggis to put you right again.
Don't you worry about a thing Barney.
21:22Barney
i said i need your help to get back home
you are sick
am in a deep shit you are telling me all this
that means you are sick
21:23Me
We'll have a smile back on your face before you can say, find me a fine highland bullock to shag...
No, no, - of course. Tell me what you would like me to do.
(other than the haggis for when you get home of course)
Anything, I can do I will.
21:25Barney
my flight leaves in less than 2-3 hours time i am wondering if you could loan me some few money to settle my hotel bill;s and take a cab to the airport
21:25Me
Some few money?
Sure...
21:25Barney
i promise to pay you back as soon as i get back home
21:25Me
How much do you need?
21:26Barney
800
21:27Barney
i promise to pay you back as soon as i get back home
21:28Me
Barney, probably better if I send you a couple of grand. I can get Martha's cousin Hilda to meet you at the airport if you like and you can have a quickie on the way home. She's been on the game for about a year now and is a great ride from what I've heard.
Don't know how much she charges, but 2000 should see you set.
I know you're good for it, no worries.
How would you like me to get it to you.
Where are you?
21:29Barney
right now am in a local library
21:30Me
Great - well you grab yourself a copy of the latest penthouse letters whilst you're waiting and I'll get on the case.
How do I get the money over?
Oh of course.
I can use Bob.
I'll just go upstairs and check if he's asleep.
21:31Barney
you have it sent to me through western union
21:31Me
Wouldn't you rather Bob delivered it?
It's been a whilst since he's been in action.
21:31Barney
all you need is my name and my present location
no
21:32Me
Most of my younger carrier pigeons take most of the work these days.
21:32Barney
just do it through western union
21:32Me
Oh well, if you insist.
21:32Barney
just do it through western union as we speak
i have limited time here
21:32Me
Sure thing, Barn.
You know best.
21:32Barney
and my flight leaves soon from now
can i give you the info on how to send the money to me
21:33Me
That would be great.
I do hope Hilda shows you a good time.
Hey, for that kind of money, she could probably bring along one of her friends too.
Would you like that?
21:34Barney
what is wrong with you
are you sending the money or not
or are you kidding me
or taking me for a fool
21:35Me
What do you mean?
If course I'm sending you the money
How else are you going to pay for the hooker?
Hilda doesn't bang for free you know.
You haven't given me the details yet.
You don't want to use my carrier pigeon, so I need to know the details for this western Union malarkey you're talking about.
21:36Barney
okay
21:37Me
(You didn't say if you want Hilda to bring a friend or not)
(I'm sure it would help relax you after your ordeal)
21:37Barney
Name Barney Robinson
Location The New County Hotel, 22-30 County Place, Perth, Scotland, PH2 8EE, Scotland
21:38Me
Perth?
21:38Barney
that is the info you need to send me the money
21:38Me
Are you fucking crazy man?
What the fuck are you doing in Perth?
You haven't been at the Buckfast again have you Barney?
We've had words about that before.
I'm not sure even Hilda will want to touch you if she knows you've been dipping your wick into some of the trollops up there.
21:40Barney
no
am just freaked out here
21:40Me
So, what do you want me to do with that address?
How does Western Union work?
21:43Barney
that is the fastest way of sending money
21:43Me
Sure, but how does it work?
21:43Barney
and they will need that info i gave to you to send the money to me
21:43Me
What do I need to do?
21:47Barney is offline.
21:48Barney is online.
21:48Barney
are you there
21:49Me
Of course I'm bloody here!
I'm waiting for instructions!!
21:49Barney
go to any western union outlet and send the money to my name and present location
okay
you there
21:49Me
Yes, I'm here!
Blue goose to red leader, do you read me, over!
21:49Barney
??
21:50Me
Where can I find a Western Union?
(And you still haven't told me if you want 1 or 2 hookers to meet you off the plane???)
21:52Barney
you can google it online
http://www.western union.comlocator
21:53Me
Ok, hang on.
21:54Barney
okay
21:55Me
Did you know they have over 370,000 locations worldwide.
That's pretty impressive, eh!
21:57Barney
have you got an agent location now?
please you have to be fast about it,because i have limited time here
21:58Me
I'm just trying now. It's having trouble locating Uranus.
Barney
okay
just be fast about it please
??
22:02Me
Sure, sure, I understand.
I'm trying very hard.
But they don't seem to have any outlets on Uranus. Saturn, Jupiter and Mars they can handle, but Uranus they just don't have anything. What do you suggest I do?
Barney is offline.
22:05Barney is online.
